The title of her column is: “You’re Telling Me It’s Not About Sex?” The “her” is Ana Veciana-Suarez and she writes for the Miami Herald. In this particular issue she focuses on the former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, and asks, “What does a man really get when he pays $4,300 for sex?” The answer might surprise you since it does relate to what we’re talking about. 

Sudhir Venkatesh, a sociology professor at Columbia University who has studied prostitutes in various cities tells us that “high-end sex workers” don’t always have sex with their johns. “About 40% of transactions in New York don’t go beyond light petting and kissing,” he tells us. Here’s how Mrs. Veciana-Suarez sums up the professor’s findings: “Apparently, these moneyed johns like a good conversation. They want to be heard. They want to sound fascinating and feel important.” Venkatesh adds, “The men simply wanted to be treated like Kings for a Day.”

Holy cow! That’s it? Men want, more than anything, to be admired? Listened to? Made to feel special? Yeah, guess so. And before this gets even more sexist, ladies, don’t we all want that? But since this is about how far men will go, and how much they will spend to be made to feel like that King for a Day, then you’ll forgive me if we stay on that track a bit longer, because this information is powerful stuff for you to consider in your intimate relationships. 

Of course it’s MUCH easier for a paid escort to pull off this trick because, let’s face it, she doesn’t live with the gentleman in question. She’s never heard those stories that the majority of women live out on a regular basis.

STOP! On that subject. Going to share a small Life Lesson with you. There are certain stories your man loves to repeat. For a memory to fall into that category, then it must be a special moment from his past. He enjoys going back there, repeating it without remembering he’s told it to you before. Lots of times. So when he begins telling it again, your natural response is to say, “You’ve told me that one before” or something like that. The Life Lesson is, bite your tongue. Let him tell it again because if you stop him by saying he’s told you that story before, it’s a hurtful thing to do. It makes him think his memory’s failing, that he’s getting old. Both of those are true, but you don’t need to remind him.

The paid escorts NEVER say anything negative to their gentlemen friends—just the opposite. Again, easy for them to do since when the session is over, her friend will give her a quick kiss goodnight, leave.

Since we are talking about getting some spark back into your long-term relationship, can we learn something from the pros? Yes, we can. Make your guy feel special. Listen to him, even if it is one of those stories you’ve heard before, many times. Don’t criticize him on a regular basis. An unexpected hug is a good thing. Maybe not as good as unexpected nakedness, but close.

And guys? This is a two-way street. All the things we’ve talked about so far will work on her, too. Except maybe the high heels, full-length coat with nothing-on-under-it trick. Although, come to think of it, I would not rule that one out.

More next time.