First comes meeting her. There are currently two ways of doing that: In the flesh. Electronically. For you guys around my age, the whole electronic thing might sound a bit cold. What kind of woman would advertise herself that way? Must be a loser. Excuse me. Have you checked out any of the many dating sites out there? If not, now’s a good time to do that. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the high caliber of women who have posted their pictures and bios on those sites.

Moving right along to those of you who have explored online dating sites, what gets your attention? Since this is me talking about what I look for in a woman, you will please forgive me if we continue from that starting point. 

Well, first there is the face, yes? Do I find her physically attractive? If I do, then I read her bio. Since I make my living as a writer, how she expresses herself is important to me, even more important than how she looks. Over the years, I have exchanged e-mails with several terrific women before meeting them face-to-face. I don’t know about you, but I find this intellectual getting-to-know-you process crucial. So what am I looking for in her words? How she expresses herself? Many things.

How is her spelling? Grammar? Choice of words? Does she have a sense of humor? Is she witty? Clever? What topics matter to her? How passionate is she about those topics? How does she respond to notes I’ve sent her? In short, do I find her intellectually stimulating? If I don’t, and it doesn’t take long, there will be no more e-mails. Because she has taken the time to write me, I will find a graceful and hopefully painless way to end it. She deserves that much. We will not have written each other that many times so there will be very little, if any emotional feelings involved. 

Okay. I’ve exchanged several e-mails with my new online friend and I am now looking forward to reading her letters. A very good sign. It tells me we have connected intellectually which is a big deal for me.

I can’t give you specifics on the next step because there aren’t any. That step is when you speak to her on the phone for the first time. Now that there are so many crazies running around, this can be a delicate moment. You can give her your phone number so she won’t have to give you hers, but in this time of Caller ID, I always tell them I have that service so if they are still not comfortable with my having their number, then don’t call. 

Not real proud of what I’m about to tell you, but I’m going to anyway because it’s important to me that you know you can always trust me to tell you the truth about me, who I am.

The first time I hear her voice, in the first few seconds, if the sound of it isn’t pleasing, my heart sinks. I remember the first time I heard the voice of a woman I had exchanged several terrific e-mails with. She sounded like a longshoreman, Brooklyn accent and all! Sorry. There was no way I wanted to hear that voice for the rest of my life. Told you I wasn’t real proud of myself about this. Ah, but if the sound of her voice sends a tingle along my spine, yipeee!           

Along about now, let me give you a partial answer to the intellectual qualities I look for in a woman. Just read what I wrote. Who cares what I look for in a woman? That only matters to me, certainly not to you…unless…

Unless in many areas you are like me. I don’t think I’m so unique in the things I find attractive about a woman so let’s move on the Phase II. What are the physical attributes I find attractive in a woman? Here again I think we might find common ground. It all begins with her face. I’m a very visual person so I must confess to being attracted by a beautiful face. Then a nice figure, a sense of grace when she moves. Hair that won’t get upset when I run my fingers through it. Well groomed. Healthy looking. I’m an even six feet so I prefer women at least five feet four inches tall. Doesn’t bother me if they’re taller than I am.  

Female beauty is always in the very critical eye of the beholder but you know it when you see it. Over the years, I have been attracted to women other men might not have found to be raving beauties, but there was something about them I found very attractive. I’m sure that’s probably happened to you as well.

Going to wrap this up because you now have a pretty good idea about what I look for in a woman and who cares? Well, for sure I do.  

I wrote this because my dear friend Roberta asked me to. You’ll see her name scattered throughout this site because she is the driving force behind it. I told her I felt funny about doing this for the reason I just spelled out above. Who cares? That’s when she told me that if I would do this, then perhaps she could encourage other men to write a similar article. Eventually, there would be enough male points of view on what they look for in a woman to form the basis for an interesting study. One our female readers might find interesting.

I think you ladies pretty much have us figured out. Men are fairly transparent regarding what they look for in a woman, but who knows? If enough men add their thoughts on this subject you might actually learn something new. 

Manny Diez is the author of the national bestseller, MEETING WOMEN 101. He also wrote a follow-up book titled FOR MEN ABOUT WOMEN.