To thine own self be true! Shakespeare had it right when he gave his wise, if tormented. Hamlet those immortal words to utter.  

How does that cardinal rule apply to you? Well, in this particular case, it means that if you are attracted over and over again to the same basic man in slightly different variations you are bound to get the same results—with slightly different variations.

When it comes to matters of the heart, there is one thing above all to keep in mind. Men, like women, have their flaws. And very likely they will take those long-held flaws to their graves. Don’t ever think they are going to change simply out of love for you. If you are considering taking on a man only to alter him later—get that childish notion out of your mind right now. You’re old enough to know that’s never going to happen. Take the whole package or leave it. It’s that simple. It is NOT an option to have it both ways.

Men continue to insist that women are hard to figure out—that they don’t behave in rational, logical, ways. And yet, as a woman, doesn’t that statement seem all the more true of men? You bet it does. The reason neither sex understands the other is simple—we’re different. Biologically, and therefore psychologically, we are unique from one another. The French have always understood that basic fact, and traditionally applaud “la difference.” Why can’t the rest of us see it like the French?

In order for a woman to understand a man better, and therefore determine how to win him over—if that is your goal—there are countless numbers of books available on the subject, not the least of which is John Gray’s phenomenally successful “Men are From Mars…” series. Gray is, of course, less credible these days, since the breakdown of his long-term marriage. One wonders if it isn’t true—that some people are better able to teach principles than they are to apply them to their own lives. That said, of course, it does not diminish the value of their principles. 

Gray believes that where women are more analytical about the men they meet, men are more “bottom line.” On first meeting, it’s true—men are attracted by what they see. But after taking into account the physical connection, it’s up to the woman to use her feminine know-how to win her guy over and keep him—with all the right words and actions. For those women who still believe it’s all about physical attraction on the man’s part, they need to reconsider that conclusion. Some of the most successfully seductive women of the past were able to change the course of history by manipulating the man of their choice to their advantage. Don’t believe it? Check out the biographies of Cleopatra, who looked the polar opposite of Elizabeth Taylor in her prime, Madame du Barry who suffered from smallpox and their disfiguring scars, and Napoleon’s Empress Josephine who hid her mouth with a fan to camouflage a dental deficiency. And have you ever seen a photo of the handsome President Franklin D. Roosevelt and his painfully plain-albeit-brilliant wife, Eleanor?       

So, then, what does it take if not glamour or glitz? Here’s a starter set of rules:

1. Be independent, and confident in your skin. Helen Gurley Brown, longtime editor of Cosmopolitan magazine once said that a woman should always convince a man that her life is an entity apart, and not in any way dependent on him. The last thing a man wants to think is that were it not for him, you would wither away into dust. Let him know that you know that we are all responsible for our own happiness. He’ll love that you can do equally well with or without him in your life. It will make him feel safer to step inside and stay a while. No guilt. No threats. No need to commit. And that’s when he’s more likely to do so.
   
   
2. Don’t come on too soon with your feelings about him. Men fear women’s emotions. They don’t know what to do with them. And anything that makes a man feel uncomfortable tends to pull him away from you.
   
   
3. Use your feminine intuition if you want to know how he’s grading you as a date and potential long-term partner. Listen to what he says. Watch his body language. It’s all there for you to interpret. No need to tell him he’s hard to figure out. He’s laying it all out for you, however subconsciously. It’s up to you to take the information and analyze it. If you’re sufficiently focused you will be able to determine not only if he likes you but also if he is ready for you—or any woman at all. Clearly, if he’s not, there is not one thing you can do to change the course of this relationship. In such a case, you have only one option—move on.