As a doctor of psychology and a therapeutic hypnotist, I know for a fact that we are all born to win. We learn to lose, and what we learn, we can un-learn.

A precious baby enters the world as a completely open conduit of love, acceptance, trust, and joy. Barring any predisposed physiological conditions or addictions, the infant does not have any desire for self-defeating thoughts or habits. It never enters the infant’s mind that its every desire cannot be met.  Alas, we learn to lose. We learn to lower our expectations and to sabotage ourselves, and then come to believe that we deserve less or none at all.  A baby has no desire for a cigarette, self-deprecation, or numbing out. The good news is that whatever negative habits or beliefs we learned, we can un-learn, and return to that natural infantile state of bliss. There is a plethora of modalities for un-learning and healing, one of which is therapeutic hypnosis.

Hypnosis is a naturally occurring state and has been studied for centuries. A far cry from the “squawk like a chicken or sing like Elvis” stereotype of stage hypnosis, all of us unconsciously experience the hypnotic trance on a daily basis. We are all self-healing vessels, and our bodies naturally take us to this necessary state so that we can decompress and recharge. We bookend our day in trance: we wake up in a highly suggestible state, and return to that state upon retiring for the night. Have you ever waked up or gotten in bed and felt like you were “zoning out?” Like you were “out of it” even though you were really still awake?  That’s trance. And it’s an extremely valuable state for accessing your personal power. There is absolute gold in the mine of your mind. While it is important to monitor our self-talk at all times, it is crucial to do so in trance, as the subconscious is fertile soil for manifesting what you affirm during these powerful, vulnerable times. If one affirms healthy, supportive, positive beliefs and goals, rapid change can be effected with repetition and vigilance, whether or not one consciously believes it can or not. 

Dr. Irwin is a doctor of psychology and certified hypnotherapist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California.. She practices Neurolinguistic Programming, Emotion Free Therapy and Time Line Therapy as adjuncts to therapeutic hypnosis.  310/235-2882. www.drnancyirwin.com www.YouTube/DrNancyIrwin.

When I was 5, I got whacked in the head with a baseball bat, fracturing my skull. Master Certified Relationship Coach Laurie Cameron compares fear to getting whacked by a big cosmic 2 by 4. In her book, The Journey From Fear to Love: Waking Up and Walking the Evolutionary Relationship Path with Your Partner, Cameron encourages readers to focus on the choices that we do have instead of being angry about the ones that we don’t have.

It’s been said that good things come in small packages. This small gem features case studies of real people who have moved from fear to confidence, from panic to inner peace. The tone is friendly and conversational. The 152 pages are seasoned with inspiring quotations, sample case studies and interactive exercises that are structured so that readers can measure their progress on the continuum between an unconscious relationship on one end and an evolutionary relationship on the other.

Cameron says that when we feel incomplete without a partner or choose to sacrifice our own dream and then try to blame our partner, we are acting from a place of fear instead of love. Instead of living a fear-filled unconscious life, we can choose something different. We can choose love over fear and learn to travel the conscious, intentional path.

We can start small and focus on the loving steps we can take in the moment. Cameron encourages us to ask, “What thought can I choose right now that will create an expanded sense of love and inner peace in this situation?”

Cameron invites readers to wake up to the world around and inside them. The Journey From Fear to Love offers a blueprint to consciously create the environment that will allow our relationships to shift away from fear and toward love. It suggests steps we can take to deepen and express our love regardless of our age. These simple but profound principles apply to all relationships, including the most important relationship we have—the relationship with ourselves.

Your home is the framework within which you project your personal essence, and in which you will likely set the tone for your relationship. Therefore, you will want it to not only reflect who you are, but how you wish to be seen.

Following are a few rules and regulations for maintaining a seductive setting au deux, as well as for those alone times, however infrequent they may be.

• First and foremost, keep your home tidy and clean.
• Depending on the weather, remember to open windows. Fresh air is vital.
• Eliminate odors that are unpleasant to the olfactory senses.
• Conversely, whenever appropriate, cook foods and use fragrances (such as scented candles) that are appealing without being overwhelming.
• Mend, replace, or remove anything that is in disrepair or unsightly.
• Store emergency foods, repair items, first-aid medications, etc. for easy access.
• Play low-volume atmospheric music during mealtime or before retiring, to your (mutual) tastes.
• Discourage intrusive noise, whether from outside your home or within.
• Set boundaries of space. If you are a pet-owner, expect your dogs or cats or parrots or goldfish to comply. The same is true of roommates or other family members. Your space is just that—yours.
• Make recent issues of newspapers, news and lifestyle magazines available for browsing.
• Always offer guests something appropriate to drink or eat.
• If the bedroom is to be made accessible, be sure the bedding is fresh, that extra towels are available, and that the bathroom does not overwhelm with your personal arsenal of medications, cosmetics, etc. Make this room particularly appeal to all the senses, to whatever degree you are able: smell, sound, sight, taste, and touch. 
• Do not apologize for lack of anything to offer your guest or of perceived inadequacies of your home. By inviting someone into your abode, you are sharing an intimate part of yourself.
• Enjoy your home as an entertainment center for others, and as a safe haven for yourself.

The more pride you take in your home, the more pleasure you provide in it for others.