I saw Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz in Elegy the other day, and was amazed at how natural it remains for movie audiences to accept an older man as love partner for a much younger woman. In the film, it was made clear that Cruz was over 30 years younger than Kingsley, and yet, according to the script, she was madly in love with him, anyway. I mean, madly. Even those actors who traditionally project less charm than Cary Grant ever did or a lesser physical specimen than Harrison Ford still does remain fair game for these oddball matchings.

Call me fussy, but when I was Penelope Cruz’s age, it took a lot more than a moody, commitment-phobic character such as the one played by Kingsley in this film, to conjure up naughty thoughts about him inside my head, let alone any other part of my anatomy. So, what is going on here? Are we still living in a double-standard society? Or is that what the media would lead us to believe?

The truth is that most older women are just not interested in hooking up with men who are young enough to be their son. And those who are, well, they identify themselves as “cougars,” so we know from the start what they are about. If it’s true that men are born with the drive in their DNA to spread their seed till they keel over and die, I guess we have no way to blame them for their lifelong quest for women of childbearing years.

Excuse me while I go lock the door on my daughter’s room. 

Age is no barrier to personal fulfillment, unless you allow it to be. Dr. Jeffrey Spencer, “life coach to the stars,” outlines his twelve principles for success in his newly published book, Turn it Up! How to Perform At Your Highest Level For a Lifetime.

In the interests of brevity, I will skip over the very enlightening chapters and leap to the conclusion, which offers the principles I would like to pass along to you in this article.

Maintain your health. The paradox about health and success is that the more successful you become, the more likely you are to compromise your health. Stress factors related to hard work naturally have a way of leaving their stamp on your physical and mental well being. The more you are aware of the inherent risks, the more likely you will be to remain vigilant about your health by setting up periodic evaluations from your health and wellness professional.

Keep evolving.  Continue your lifelong program of learning. Your mind thrives on constant innovation and change. So does your body.

Be brilliant at the basics. Maintain the disciplines that work for you, just as great musicians continue to practice their basic scales.

Keep moving forward. Review and refine your plans on a daily basis so that each action you take points you in the direction of completion. Productive change is a good thing.

Keep refining your team. Build and maintain a team that has your interests at heart.

Let go of the rope. Make sure that your plans are properly staffed and executed in the best possible environment with all the necessary materials to get the job done correctly the first time around.

Never skip steps.  Trying to implement shortcuts invariably extends the time required to complete a plan. The only time you should attempt skipping a step is when you have mastered a method that has been proven more efficient.

Maintain a razor-sharp mind. Your mind needs constant stimulation and balanced rest in order to maintain peak function. Stimulate your brain on an ongoing basis with mind games such as Scrabble, chess or other such games of strategy, and by listening to books and other source material on audio. There are countless other ways to stimulate your brain, but always remember to balance stimulation with sufficient rest.

Boost your skills. The more skills you have, the more competent you can be in any given situation. The best time to learn new skills is prior to your needing them.

Never get greedy. Before undertaking any new project, take inventory of your available time and resources, to make certain that you have a sufficient supply of both for finishing the task.

Remain on the offensive. The most successful way to play at life is proactively. Pursue and engage in life rather than waiting for it to pursue you.

Remain spontaneous. Approach every opportunity with the same enthusiasm you did with your first success.

According to Dr. Spencer, each moment of every day is a second chance to live an extraordinary life.

Sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office is stressful enough without the intrusion of cell phone conversations. While waiting to see my doctor recently, I was subjected to the cellular rant of a young male patient who fancied himself God’s Gift to the World—or, at least to all the women in the waiting room. A captive audience, we were forced to listen as he strutted around the room boasting about a neighbor who offered to help change his dressing. He was convinced that she was no more than a gold-digger after his money. Ranting on about his injury, he spared us none of the graphic details, and those of us forced to listen to him were ready to inflict on him a new round of pain.

Being forced to listen to other patients is bad enough, but I really come unglued when it’s the medical personnel doing the deed. I recently underwent two emergency surgeries within six days. Although I will spare you the nitty-gritty, I want you to know that the second surgery resulted in a large wound requiring home health care. As I lay there in a most compromising position, the attending male nurse leaned over me and began to pack the wound. It was impossible to ignore the blue light blinking on his ear. It was also impossible to run or hide while he chatted mindlessly into the devise as he blithely packed my gut with gauze. 

As difficult as it is for me to tolerate these boors, it is far worse for my 80+-year old mother who suffers from white coat syndrome. Any medical visit, in fact, triggers anxiety in her and propels her blood pressure straight into the stratosphere. Not long ago, during an unpleasant pulmonary function test, my mother’s medical technician stopped the procedure long enough to engage in a protracted personal phone call. That was not nearly as traumatic as the epidural shot that was to follow. Frightened and anxious, she sat on the edge of the hospital bed, her gown open, posterior painted purple with iodine. The doctor had marked the spot and was in the process of injecting the needle when the cell phone rang inside his pocket. Without hesitation, he directed his nurse to remove and answer the phone, and they proceeded to play telephone relay with the nurse acting as interpreter. The doctor’s conversation that couldn’t wait until he finished treating my mother centered on the very urgent topic of his new set of golf clubs.

Emergencies aside, when we wait for upwards of two hours for our 15-minute appointments, is it too much to ask that the doctors give us their undivided attention? Is it too much to expect they put the “care” back in “health care?”